


I Would Know that It's You

by HannahBoBannah



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 09:01:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5621128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannahBoBannah/pseuds/HannahBoBannah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”<br/>— 	Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Would Know that It's You

She couldn't remember how it happened, let alone why, but what Amy Santiago did know was that she was blind. The first thing she heard was the sound of machines beeping to the steady rhythm of her heart before a soft, female voice said something about applying ice on the opposite side of the room. Listening intently, Amy missed the fact that her eyes were wide open and yet she saw nothing; instead, she was too busy trying to figure out who it was she shared a room with and why. By the time it registered in her brain that simply opening her eyes would reveal her roommate, Amy found herself panicking, because her eyes were open and no matter how many times she blinked she still count see a thing.

"Why can't I see?" She practically screamed, the break in her voice so prominent that even she noticed it herself when such things tended to go missed. The woman's speech was cut short and Amy could hear the sound of heavy footsteps approaching her; this still didn't stop her from jumping at the hand on her shoulder and the suddenly loud voice beside her. 

"Ms. Santiago, I'm going to need you to tell me exactly what you can or can't see." The voice was calm and Amy could feel the frown forming on her brow as a result. Her eyesight was gone without explanation and this woman was wasting time asking what she could see when it was already abundantly clear that what Amy Santiago could currently see was absolutely nothing.

"Nothing, I can't see anything. I already told you this." She could hear the tears forming in her voice before they began pouring down her cheeks. Without her vision there was no way she could do her job, and there was nothing else in the world that she wanted to do more. She was a detective, and it had been hard enough as it was to get in with her previous vision problems let alone full blown blindness. In every sense of the word, she was fucked. 

"Okay, we're going to need an MRI and CAT scan as soon as possible." Before she could even register what was going on Amy could feel herself moving, the bed beneath her being rolled away by complete strangers. As the time passed, slow as ever, Amy's thoughts turned to those she loved. She thought about the fact that she would never see her family again, or her friends, but worst of all was Jake. He was the love of her life and she couldn't imagine living the rest of her days without seeing his handsome face. The worst thought to cross her mind, however, was the fact that she would never see her own children; all she would have is the descriptions given by others and the feel of their tiny little baby faces. Life without vision would be hard, and she was only now realising how much it would affect not only her life, but the lives of those around her. 

Jake would have to do so much more to help her. Without vision she knew that she'd be dependent on his help, because there were so many things she could never do for herself ever again. But he'd told her he loved her and she knew he'd do anything to protect her, even if she was yet to say it back. It wasn't that she didn't love him or she wasn't sure, the simple fact of the matter was that Amy was scared. She hadn't loved someone in such a long time that the prospect of saying it out loud struck terror in her heart. The thought of him deciding he didn't love her anymore once she was able to accept and proclaim her feelings was constantly in the back of her mind and she knew that her vision impairment might make this possible. Her aunt had developed blindness ten years into marriage and even then her husband left because it was just too hard. What Jake and Amy had was an eight month relationship that he could easily step out of without too much attachment to make him rethink the decision. This was all she could think about as a nurse wheeled her back to her room, talking politely to Amy who had no time or energy to actively listen.

By the time she was hooked back up to her heart rate monitor the energy in the room had changed. Part of her sensed that she wasn't entirely alone, causing Amy to remember her roommate. While all she wanted was Jake, Amy knew that her chances of still having him and his love would last a little longer if he didn't know what had happened to her. So, as she sat in waiting for him to arrive with a possible fate that she didn't want to face, Amy slightly turned herself to face whoever she was alone with.

"Hi, I'm Amy" she spoke with a grin, trying her best to hide the distress building up inside her. However, no response came and she couldn't be sure if it was only because they didn't want to speak to her or they were asleep. Uncertain of which it could be she decided it was best to remain in silence until Jake finally arrived. This proved to be incredibly boring as all she could do was sit in silence. 

Deciding to try again, Amy turned back to her roommate. "So what's your name?" 

She got a reply from this, but it was only a grunt and Amy knew this meant she'd annoyed what she now knew to be a man. Feeling terrible, she apologised and decided her silence was best for everyone. Thankfully, her doctor returned moments later with good news. The smile on the woman's face could practically be heard as she told Amy that her vision impairment was caused by swelling of the cerebral cortex and was only temporary. She listened, completely elated, as the woman explained the recovery process and visual rehabilitation exercises that Amy could do at home. It wasn't until the doctor left, stopping by the man beside her for a quick moment, that Amy really wished Jake was with her. She wanted someone to share in her happiness, and at the moment all she had was her grumpy roommate as opposed to the man who loved her. 

This didn't stop Amy from trying to make the best with what she had, and so she tried again. "I know that you've established the fact that you don't want me talking to you, but I'm ecstatic right now and I'd love to have someone to share this with." She waited approximately five heartbeats of silence on his end before turning and dropping her head back to her pillow. This was supposed to be a happy moment for her and yet this man was completely bumming her out. If Jake were here he would be holding her hand and reminding her how much he loved her. He would tell her that she'd be back to normal and fighting crime in no time; but instead she was stuck with this negative Nancy who couldn't even take five seconds out of his day to be happy for someone else. Being stuck with him really made her wonder where Jake was. 

"I guess you don't like me much, huh?" A response would be a real surprise at this point and it was hardly expected. The sound of his bed sheets ruffling confirmed her suspicions as she believed he was turning away from her; but then she heard his bare feet hit the linoleum floor and his IV drip rolled across the room to her bed. Completely terrified, Amy wondered what this man was about to do and did not expect what occurred.

The bed dipped slightly beside her and the tension in her shoulders only alleviated for a mere second before he grabbed her hands and pushed her completely to the edge of a panic attack. But then he was placing them onto his face and with a single touch she felt her heart skip a beat. Beneath the swelling of his jaw and the bandage wrapped around his skull, Amy would always know it was him. She knew him better than she knew herself and countless nights of reaching for him in the dark had prepared her for this moment. Every pore and every crease was so ingrained in her memory that Amy believed she could never forget. 

"Jake". His name was merely a whisper on her lips and still he melted into her, arms wrapping tightly around her fragile and unsuspecting body. All this time spent longing for him and he was already by her side. The only thing that still made no sense to her was why he didn't respond and tell her it was him. But then she remembered the bandage and the swelling that stuck out so prominently that even she couldn't miss it. "You can't speak, can you?" She asked, to which he shook his head no. "Oh god, I'm so sorry. I didn't know." 

He was holding her hands again, squeezing them for reassurance and this was all she needed to feel comforted. All of her instincts had been right and simply having Jake there with her, their hands clasped together, was enough to calm her heavily beating heart.   
***  
Jake was back to talking in no time but Amy's vision was yet to return. Gina had bought her a pair of glasses that Jake promised looked lovely on her, and everyone on the squad seemed willing to help out. But they had both decided that her best option was to stay with her parents across town until she got the hang of things. This had been a hard decision to make, but they both knew that Jake had work and she'd only end up hurting herself if she was left to her own devices all day. And so she spent all of her days with her mother and all of her nights with Jake. It was a perfect balance.

This, however, didn’t keep her worries at bay. The one thought that constantly ran through her mind was the possibility that her vision may not come back, and while she knew it that the probability of her seeing again was incredibly high; there was still the chance that she would never see the world around her again. These were thoughts she only shared with Jake, late at night when they were in bed and he was holding her to his chest. He would reassure her that everything would be alright and all she needed was time to heal, but the thoughts never left. 

After the first two weeks passed Amy found she was losing hope quicker than ever. She knew that it would take time but she also wanted it to heal as quickly as possible. Every day she tried the visual rehabilitation exercises she'd been taught, but no progress revealed itself and she couldn't help but feel depressed. When they were first let out of hospital she had been so positive that her impairment would pass by like a summer breeze, but now she knew the truth. In reality, healing takes time and Amy Santiago has always been impatient.  
***  
It didn't take long for her to give in. While the most persistent person in the world, Amy was also the most anxiety riddled and a panic attack was bound to occur. 

She hadn't meant to ruin their evening with her own ego, but she couldn't help it when Jake insisted he carry her dinner out to the dining room. Puffing out her chest, Amy had reached for the plate and turned to leave the kitchen, feeling her way along with her right hand. She'd been doing well and Jake was proud of her until she'd caught her foot up in her rug and toppled to the ground. The sound of the ceramic plate shattering on the hardwood floors confirmed her own failure and she couldn't help but cry. Bursts of hyperventilation began almost immediately as Jake rushed to her side, holding a crying Amy who only wanted to regain her independence. It had been so long since she was able to do anything for herself and she was sick of being dependent on others.

"Ames, don't worry about it, okay? You can always grab another plate; we've got plenty of leftovers in the kitchen." This was an unfamiliar response for her. Usually her mother would insist on doing things for her when everything turned upside down, but Jake handled her mess ups in a completely different way. Instead of taking over, he encouraged her to try again, and if he believed in her than so could she. 

His presence could be felt, hovering behind her every step of the way, but he let her take the lead and didn’t offer her a helping hand unless she asked for it. The remainder of their evening flew by in laughter and banter before Jake carried her bridal style to the bedroom and reminded her how much he loved her with his entire body and soul.  
***  
She saw him again for the first time that following morning. The image was blurred and distorted but she knew it was him; she always knew it was him. While it wasn’t entirely perfect and there were still black spots, Amy reached out and grabbed his sleeping face, startling Jake whose eyes flew open immediately. She couldn’t make out the creases of his worried frown or his slightly down turned lips, but it was clear by the way he shot into a seated position and reached for her hands that he knew something was up.

"What's wrong?" He'd whispered in a hushed tone, staring her directly in the eyes. In this moment he still believed that she couldn’t see him and so it was obvious to Amy that he didn’t worry to cover up his concern. Realising that in all this time she would have missed the little looks that would otherwise be hidden before the accident, Amy knew that he was used to being a completely open book. If she couldn’t see than he didn’t have to hide a single look or emotion.

"I can see you." She would never forget the look in his eyes as he watched her that morning. Pure relief overcame him and he was kissing her within seconds, holding her so tightly in his arms that she thought he may accidentally crush her. They remained in bed together all morning, Jake calling in sick while Amy called to make an appointment with her doctor. She didn’t need to be at the hospital until that afternoon and Jake only needed a half day to drive her, but he wanted to spend all his time with his girlfriend who could finally see again. 

And not one moment was wasted.  
***  
Once the initial stages of recovery began the rest flew by in an instant. Her vision had completely returned and there was no longer any swelling to the brain; she’d been completely cleared to return to work, and drive all on her own, but the one thing that worried her doctor was the simple fact that she still couldn’t remember how it happened. Jake had confided with the doctor that he was there and witnessed everything until he himself had been knocked out, but was encouraged to keep this from her as recounting the events as they occurred could cause her to create a new memory based off his version, making it almost impossible for her real memories of that evening to return.

Some days he would ask her about it in passing. He would briefly bring up the topic as they cooked dinner or while he wandered into the bathroom to relieve his bladder while she was in the shower. But Amy would always give him the same answer; she would always tell him that she did not, in fact, know what happened to her and really wished she could tell him. Eventually he gave up, because it really didn’t matter now that she was okay and he would rather her not have any recollection of that night. There was still a part of him, a very, very small part that he often ignored, that wanted to know what happened to her after he blacked out. The last thing he could remember was the angered look on Amy’s face as a tall, well-built man held her back.

“You know, this is the eighth time we’ve watched this movie since I regained my vision, and that was literally only a month and a half ago.” She’d joked one night, sitting cross-legged on the couch as he inserted the disk into the DVD player. With a single roll of his eyes Jake nudged the disc drive shut and jumped over the coffee table to sit beside her, saving him a five second trip around it. By the time she was snuggled into his side, waiting for the DVD to load, Jake remembered that he had left their popcorn and beer in the kitchen, forcing him to untangle himself from his girlfriend to retrieve them. 

Usually he would skip past the trailers that always came up before the start menu, because they were generally for movies he didn’t care for and in regards to the film that Genevieve had mentioned he watch, Jake had already seen the trailers twice. As it was a movie that was recommended while Amy was still visually impaired, Jake had asked Rosa and Gina to have a girl’s night with Amy while he stopped by Charles’ apartment to give the film a go. While he had felt eternally guilty for abandoning her at the time, she had later told him that five minutes in Gina had spilled the beans told her everything, but she hadn’t cared; just because she couldn’t see it didn’t mean he had to give up everything too. 

“How do you work your remote again?” Amy had called to him, eyeing all of the buttons seriously as she tried to figure it out. What should have been simple had been explained to her more times than she could count, but the symbols had worn off and he usually always worked the remote anyway (not because she let him, but because he refused to let her choose the channel). This left her completely confused and giving up as Jake called back complicated instructions that she didn’t bother listening to. Instead, she dropped the remote onto the couch beside her and decided to watch the trailers.

“This one actually looks pretty good” she called out upon watching half of the trailer for an action movie, but then a scene flashed by and she found herself thinking of memories that she never knew existed. Filled with utter confusion, it all came to her and Amy remembered.   
***  
They were supposed to be at home, snuggled up together on Jake’s bed for a Netflix marathon of NCIS and a large, greasy pepperoni pizza. But Holt had needed them to stay back and follow a time sensitive lead on Rosa and Boyle’s case. The pair had requested assistance and as the only two available Jake and Amy were forced back into work seconds before clocking out. While they both wanted to claim they had important plans that could not be cancelled everyone knew it was Netflix and Chill night for them, and the chill could wait a little longer if it meant closing a case. 

“Once we bring in these perps we better not have to fill out any paper work” Jake had groaned, looking cautiously around the corner as Amy kept a look out behind them. There was a frown on his brow that Amy wanted to kiss away because she hated seeing him like this. When Jake was sad she was sad and there was nothing she could do to escape it. 

“If we do I promise I’ll do a thorough grammar and punctuation check before you file it.” He was smiling over his shoulder at her, the sarcastic look that once overcame all of his features completely gone. After a while the things he used to joke about at her expense had become endearing to him; he loved every little thing she said and did.

“You are legit the best Ames; this is why I lo-” The punch to his jaw blindsided them both and before Amy could register what was going on a second figure pounced on her. She could feel his strong, clammy hands grab onto her in an attempt to hold her back as his partner laid into Jake. All she could see was the pain in Jake’s eyes as he attempted to fight back to no avail. It wasn’t until she heard the crack and saw his jaw pop out of place that her thrashing came to a halt and all she saw was red. 

Thinking as quickly as possible Amy threw her head forward in one quick motion, butting into her captor’s nose. She felt his arms release as a pained scream escaped his lips and before he could register that she was gone Amy had lunged at the man straddled on top of Jake, beating him senselessly. As her body collided with his, the man toppled off of Jake and dragged her down with him. The pair tumbled to a stop almost a meter away and with one glance in his direction she found herself preparing to kill him. No one hurts her boyfriend like that and gets away with it. 

As she drew back her arm, fist balled up tightly and hatred in her stare, she felt no remorse and laid one punch before a solid object hit the back of her skull with a heavy force. There wasn’t much more that she remembered past this point but complete darkness.  
***  
“I was protecting you.” She wasn’t certain of the moment she had started crying but Amy knew for certain that the tears staining her cheeks weren’t unwarranted. For so long she hadn’t known what had happened to her, or Jake for that matter, and finally remembering felt like a sledgehammer to the heart. The last thing she wanted to remember was the chilling crack of Jake’s jaw or the way he slipped out of consciousness on the cold floor beside her. But it also made it so clear to her now just how important Jake was to her. If she was willing to put herself in danger to save him than there was nothing she wouldn’t do.

“I know.” He responded, voice soft and barely audible from behind her. With hands full of popcorn and beverages Jake stood stock still in the threshold between the kitchen and the living room, eyes never leaving her as she turned to face him. Upon immediate inspection it was clear to her that he was crying too and all she wanted to do was kiss away his tears. The last thing she ever wanted him to feel was sadness, but sometimes it was too hard to hide the real world away from him, especially when he was so deeply ingrained in it before they were together. Jake was so used to pain that it was practically his default setting. 

But then he was giving her that look. In a single glance he could tell her just how proud he was of anything and everything that she did, and it all started to make more sense. Jake had no reason to be upset with her, because she’d done everything possible to protect him and if that wasn’t love than she didn’t know what was.

After what felt like too long Amy had stood, slowly making her way across the room to Jake who was yet to make any movement himself. The words were on the tip of her tongue just waiting to leap forth from her clenched lips that refused to separate until the moment was right. With everything that had happened in the past few months Amy knew for sure that she loved him, and she wasn’t sure why it had taken so long to realise. Part of her always knew, even before they were together. The feelings had been there for years and they were both just too stupid to say anything. If she even had half a brain she and Jake could have been married with kids by now, but instead she had abstained from tantalising him with feelings while he was still too young and stupid to understand that she was looking for a serious relationship.

The thing was, however, that none of this mattered anymore. She didn’t have to hold her tongue because they belonged to one another and he had proven that he understood love. Jake had shown her just how serious he was about them with a single gesture and a comfortable mattress. Ever since she had been certain that she loved him because no one had ever made her feel the way he did; but offering up your heart to someone was hard and she could never be certain if he was feeling the same. But he was looking at her with those big, confused eyes and she was taking the bowl from his hands because she really didn’t want to risk him dropping popcorn all over her new rug.

“Jake…” she began, but before Amy could continue he was smiling brightly and it was so clear to her that he knew what she planned to say. Even so she pushed on, taking a single step forward. “I love you” 

There was a softness to him that she only ever saw when he thought she wasn’t looking or after she had said something stupidly endearing. It was a look he saved just for her and she’d always known what it meant. Ever since the accident he had gotten used to openly glancing at her with this look, mostly because she could never see it before but now because it was just natural behaviour. Amy also liked to believe that there had come a time when he didn’t want to hide it from her, because it was clear to them both that she knew, that she had always known and would always possess the same feelings that he expressed in a single glance.

She didn’t need him to respond with words, because a glance alone was all she needed. Jake Peralta loved her too.


End file.
